My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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