Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
actually, I'm a sock model
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
