that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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