i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
