Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think my moral compass just broke
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