she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
