i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
