If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
