And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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