Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
