Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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