Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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