His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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