What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
