May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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