when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
two words: eviction party
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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