Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
