I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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