somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
