and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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