John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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