He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
