Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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