Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
