We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
did i just pee glitter
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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