i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dicks are not precious.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
