I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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