just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
