My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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