I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
