SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
As shirtless as possible
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
