I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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