I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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