the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
