Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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