I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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