gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize