I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize