My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
