How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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