tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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