just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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