During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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