Your dad touched me again.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize