Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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