just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize