guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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