He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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