I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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