drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize