My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
