I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
