he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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