Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
