she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
