I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize