My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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