Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
