Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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