Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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