apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
