hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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