I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
