She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
They took my balls.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
