Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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