It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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