I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
