she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
