worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
