You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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