I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
