When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Still dying that you shit outside
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
