google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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