dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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