Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
