i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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