he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
