Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
